Be careful and do not end up like me


A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes
over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day the woman
hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says:
-It's dark in here, isn't it?
-Yes, it is -the man replies-.
-You wanna buy a baseball? -the little boy asks-.
-No thanks. -the man replies-.
-I think you do want to buy a baseball. -the little extortionist continues-.
-OK. How much? -the man replies after considering the position he is in-.
-Twenty-five dollars. -the little boy replies-.
-TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! -the man repeats incredulously, but complies
to protect his hidden position-.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears
a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
-It's dark in here, isn't it? -the boy starts off-.
-Yes it is. -replies the man-.
-Wanna buy a baseball glove? -the little boy asks-.
-OK. How much? -the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage-.
-Fifty dollars -the boy replies and the transaction is completed-.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says:
-Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch.
-I can't. I sold them. -replies the little boy-.
-How much did you get for them? -asks the father, expecting to hear the profit
in terms of lizards and candy-.
-Seventy-five dollars -the little boy says-.
-SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right
now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness -the father explains
as he hauls the child away-.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits
down, and says:
-It's dark in here, isn't it?
-Don't you start again. -the priest says-.


The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident,
he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but
we have some information about your wife
"Well, tell me!" the man said.
The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news
and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?
Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this
morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay
"Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then,
remembering what the policeman had said, he asked,
"What's the good news?" "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had
two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness
crabs on her
." "If that's the good news than what's the great news?!",
Mr. Wilkens demanded.
The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."


A husband had always been disdainful of people who, in his estimation,
talk too much. Recently he proudly told his wife he'd heard that men
use 2200 words a day, while women use 4400.
The wife thought about that for a moment, then concluded, "That's because
women have to repeat everything they say to their husbands
.", to which
he looked up and asked, "Come again?"


A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all
the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very
excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At
the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any
snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to
run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him
to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out
the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was
collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling
alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself "Wouldn't it be great if she
even just came down and 'talked' to me
?" He went back
to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and
the beautiful woman was standing right over him.
They got to talk, and she invited him back to her place.
They were at her apartment just a little bit down the beach, and
they started messing around. It got so hot and heavy that
he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there. At
seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed,
"Oh no! My wife's dinner party! !" He gathered all his
clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran
out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment.
He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a
hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he
dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down
the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry
wife standing in the doorway wondering where he's been all
this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then
he looked at her, then back at the snails and said:
"Come on guys, we're almost there!"


A teenage boy has a hot date one evening so he decides to buy some condoms.
He goes into the pharmacy and sees that there are 3, 9, and 12 packs of
condoms. He talks to the pharmacists and says his date that night is really
hot so he decides to go with the 12 pack.
That evening, he eats dinner with his date and her family and they ask
him to say grace. He proceeds to do so and then continues to keep his head
down and prays. After a while, his date says "I didn't know you were such a religious person".
He replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"


A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was
studying books by the light of the fireplace
The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President."

Just take the bull by the HORNS!


If you want to send any comments, please click on the moving plane:

Send me an e-mail !